A Man's Companions

Sicut ergo opera virtutis et miraculorum signa eum comitabantur, quasi attestantia Jesum esse, qui transitum faceret, pluresque ad credendum in eum excitarent, de quibus scriptum est: Testimonia tua credibilia facta sunt nimis; et ipse dicit: Opera, quae ego facio, testimonium perhibent de me; et e regione passiones infirmitatis, quae increpabant, ut a fide ejus homines deterrerent, nec Deum crederent, quem humana pati conspicerent: quae utraque brevi complexus, missis a Joanne respondit: Renuntiate Joanni quae audistis, et vidistis. Caeci vident, claudi ambulant, etc. Ac deinde: Beatus est qui non fuerit scandalizatus in me. Flagella enim et sputa, cruz et sepulcrum scandalum movebant. Ita et in me, dilectissimi, quaedam attestantia saluti, quaedam reclamantia in omni via vitae meae mecum traho, neque sine his comitibus usquam vado. Visitor diluculo, et subito, prober: assumor et statim deseror; erigor et statim dejicior, sicut qui per montana graditur, et planum iter non invenit. Quandoque laetabundus et laudens, nimia luce perfusus, ac mira affectus dulcedine, ineffabili quadam spe inopinatae salutis exsulto: omnia acclamant, omnia bonum testimonium perhibent, ita ut dubitationi, ac si apprehenderim jam, non sit locus; quandoque pavebundus et plangens, tenebris obvolutus, et amaritudine plenus, tanta taedii et acediae confusione tabesco, ut omnia a meliori spe increpent et tacere cogant. Vae misero homini, qui nec Deo pro voto insistere, nec sibi pro proposito valet consistere! Ego, fateror, nunquam mihi consto, inter spem et timorem usque permolor, utriusque in me radices et seminaria gesto; uterque sursum pullulat, et in interioribus meis ramos extendit. De gratia Dei in me habeo quod semper sperem, de me habero in me utique quod usque timeam. Nunc totum quod spero teneo, nunc omne quod tenueram perdo, et rursum post tenebras lucem spero. Ascendo usque ad coelos, et descendo usque ad abyssos, anima mea in talibus vicissitudinibus tabescit. Turbor et moveor sicut ebrius, et omnis sapientia mea devoratur. Verumtamen sicut sacer Psalmus consequentur habat, et evangelicus iste caecus docet, solum mihi restat improbitatem vincere, et multo magis clamaere ad Dominum Jesum, cum tribulor, donec de necessitatibus istis educat me, et statuat procellam hanc in auram, ac silere faciat fluctus ejus, quos induxit super me, laetantemque, quia siluerunt, deducat in portum voluntatis et desiderii mei. Isaac, Cisterciensis Abbas, Sermo XXIX Source: Migne PL 194.1786d-1787b

So works of power and signs of wonder were His companions, as though bearing witness that it was Jesus who would be passing through, and they roused many to believe in Him, concerning which it is written, 'Your witnesses have become most believable,' 1 and He himself says: 'The works I perform bear witness concerning me,' 2 but from the region of weakness the passions cried out to deter men from faith in him, that they not believe in a God whom they could see suffering human limitations, which both matters Jesus quickly addressed when He answered those sent by John: 'Report to John what you have heard and what you have seen, the lame walk, etc.' And then: 'Blessed are those who are not scandalised because of me.' 3 For the scourges and the spit and the cross and the grave caused scandal. So it is even in me, most beloved, in all my life's paths, I draw with me some traits that witness to salvation and some that cry out in protest, and I do not go anywhere without these companions. I am visited at dawn and suddenly put to the test. 4 I am taken up and immediately forsaken. I am raised up and immediately cast down, like a man walking through the mountains who cannot find a level path. Sometimes, rejoicing and giving praise, bathed in great light and moved by a wondrous sweetness, I exult in a certain unspeakable hope for an unthought salvation. All things cry out, everything gives witness to the good, so that as if I had already gained it, there is no room for doubt. Sometimes, with fear and in grief, wrapped in darkness and full of bitterness , I wither from such a great confusion of weariness and acedia that everything calls me away from a greater hope and forces me to be silent. Woe to the wretched man, who can neither pursue God by desire for Him, nor can stand firmly in his purpose. I confess that there is nowhere that I stand firm in myself. Between hope and fear I am yet ground down. I bear the roots and seedbeds in myself, both spring up and from within me spread forth their branches. Because of God's grace in me I have what I should always hope for, from myself I certainly have in me what I should yet fear. One moment I have everything I hope for, the next I lose everything I held, and again I hope for the light after darkness. 5 I go up even to heaven and fall down even to the abyss, my soul withers because of such changes. I am disturbed and shaken like a drunkard, and all my wisdom is devoured. 6 Yet as it follows in the same holy Psalm and the blind man in the Gospel teaches, 7 the only way given to me when I am troubled is to conquer wickedness and call out all the more to the Lord Jesus, until He leads me out from my difficulties and changes the storm wind into a breeze and makes the waves still which He has brought over me, and leads me, rejoicing that they are silent, to the harbour of my wish and desire. 8 Isaac of Stella, from Sermon 29 1 Ps 92.5 2 Jn 5.36 3 Mt 11.4-6 4 Job 1.18 5 Job 17.12 6 Ps 106.26-27 7 Mk 10.48, Ps 106.28 8 Ps 106.29-30