Doubts of a Martyr

Πολλὰ φρονῶ ἐν θεῷ, ἀλλ’ ἐμαυτὸν μετρῶ, ἵνα μὴ ἐν καυχήσει απόλωμαι. Νῦν γὰρ με δεῖ πλέον φοβεῖσθαι καὶ μὴ προσέχειν τοῖς φυσιοῦσίν με. οἱ γὰρ λέγοντές μοι μαστιγοῦσίν με. ἀγαπῶ μὲν γὰρ τὸ παθεῖν, ἀλλ’ οὐκ οἶδα, εἰ ἄξιός εἰμι. τὸ γὰρ ζῆλος πολλοῖς μὲν οὐ φαίνεται, ἐμὲ δὲ πλέον πολεμεῖ. χρῄζω οὖν πραότητος, ἐν ᾗ καταλύεται ὁ ἄρχων τοῦ αἰῶνος τούτου. Ἅγιος Ἰγνάτιος Ἀντιοχείας, Ἐπιστολή Προς Τραλλιανοις Source: Migne PG 5.667c

Much I have thought on account of God but I take my measure that I not be destroyed by vaunting. Now it is necessary to fear and not to turn my mind to those who flatter me, for by what they say they scourge me. I would love to suffer but I do not know if I am worthy of it. To many these things are not apparent but for me it makes the struggle greater. Thus I have need of meekness, that by it I might destroy the prince of this world. Saint Ignatius of Antioch, Letter to the Trallians