The Spirit And Bitterness

Et abii amarus in indignatione spiritus mei... Pensate, fratres charissimi, cui dona sancti Spiritus creverant cur amarus abibat? An omne cor quod idem spiritus assumit amarum in indignatione sui spiritus facit? Unde sciendum est quia cui adhuc praesens vita dulcis est, etiamsi verbum Dei loqui videatur, elevatus et assumptus praedicator non est. Mentem enim quam Spiritus sanctus replet in amaritudinem temporalium delectatione aeternorum commovet. Dulce enim est esse in rebus humanis, sed ei qui adhuc de coelestibus gaudia nulla gustavit, quia quanto minus aeterna intelligit, tanto delectabilius in temporalibus requiescit. At si quis jam cordis ore gustaverit quae sit illa dulcedo coelestium praemiorum qui illi hymnidici angelorum chori, quae incomprehensibilis visio sanctae Trinitatis, huic quanto illud dulce fit quod intus videt, tanto in amaritudinem vertitur omne quod foris sustinet. Rixatur secum de his quae male egisse se recolit, et sibimetipsi displicet, cum ei ille placere jam coeperit qui omnia creavit. Reprehendit se de cogitationibus, insequitur de verbis, et punit flendo de factis. Supernis inhiat, terrena jam omnia per mentis despectum calcat. Et quandiu illud quod desiderat adhuc per speciem non habet, flere dulce habet, seseque continuis lamentis affligere. Et quia necdum se esse in patria ad quam creatus est videt, in hujus vitae exsilio nil ei plus aliud quam sua amaritudo placet. Dedignatur etenim subjacere temporalibus, et ardenter suspirat aeternis. Unde recte quoque per Salomonem dicitur: Eo quod in multa sapientia multa sit indignatio, et qui apponit scientiam apponit dolorem. Coelestia etenim cognoscentes, terrenis animum subdere dedignamur. Et dum plus sapere incipimus de his quae male egimus, nobis ipsis irascimur, et fit in multa sapientia multa indignatio, quia quanto plus proficimus in cognitione, tanto nobis indignamur amplius de perverso opere. Atque cum scientia dolor crescit, quia quanto magis aeterna cognoscimus, tanto magis esse nos in hujus exsilii miseria dolemus. Vel sicut in translatione alia dicitur: Et qui addit scientiam addit laborem. Quo enim scire incipimus quae sint coelestia gaudia, eo magis ut errorum nostrorum laqueos possimus evadere, flendo laboramus. In multa ergo sapientia multa est indignatio, quia si aeterna jam sapimus, concupiscere temporalia dedignamur. Si aeterna jam sapimus, nosmetipsos despicimus egisse hoc quod nos potuit ab aeternitatis amore separare. Reprehendit semetipsam conscientia, accusat quod egit, damnat per poenitentiam quod accusat, fit rixa in animo, parturiens pacem cum Deo. Sic Achab, rex iniquus, a propheta reprehensus, cum contra se divinam sententiam audisset, pertimuit, et magno moerore depressus est, ita ut prophetae suo Dominus diceret: Nonne vidisti humiliatum Achab coram me? Quia igitur humiliatus est mei causa, non inducam malum in diebus ejus. In quibus Domini verbis pensandum est quomodo ei in electis suis moeror amaritudinis placeat qui amittere timent Dominum, si sic ei et in reprobo poenitentia placuit qui timebat perdere praesens saeculum? Aut quomodo ei grata sit spontanea afflictio pro culpis in eis qui placent, si haec ad tempus placuit et in illo qui displicebat? Sed sciendum quia nullus haec pro amore omnipotentis Domini ex toto corde agere praevalet, nisi is cujus animum Spiritus sanctus assumpserit. Nam quando homo ex sua virtute sufficiat terrena despicere, coelestia amare, pacem cum Deo quaerere, secum rixam subire, in cogitatione semetipsum reprehendere, et gemitibus punire? Nullus haec agere nisi quem divina gratia roboraverit valet. Sanctus Gregorius Magnus, In Ezechielem Prophetam, Liber Primus, Homilia X Source: Migne PL 76.903d-905c

And I went off in bitterness, in the indignation of my spirit... 1 Consider, dearest brothers, him in whom the gifts of the Holy Spirit were given, why did he go away bitter? Is every heart that the same Spirit lifts up made bitter in the indignation of its spirit? Let it be known that to him whom the present life is sweet, even if he seem to speak the word of God, he is not an elevated and chosen preacher. The soul which the Holy Spirit fills with delight for eternal things is moved to bitterness for temporal things. For it is sweet to be among human things, but only to him who has yet to taste heavenly joys, because the less is his understanding of eternal things, so the more he has rest in temporal pleasures. But if someone shall taste with the mouth of his heart that sweetness of heavenly rewards, where choirs of angels sing, and there is the inexpressible vision of the Holy Trinity, as so much more sweet is that which he sees within, so much more he endures in bitterness everything that is without. He struggles with himself concerning those things which he has done wickedly, recollecting himself, and he is displeasing to himself, which is when he begins to please Him who created all things. He reproves himself in his thoughts, he strikes himself with words, and chastises himself amid tears, concerning his deeds. He desires supernal things, and despises all worldly things with a lofty mind. And while he does not yet have sight of that which he desires, he has the sweetness of tears, and afflicts himself with continual weeping. And because he does not yet behold that fatherland for which he was created, so there is nothing in the exile of this life which pleases because of its bitterness. He scorns to subject himself to temporal things, and he ardently sighs for eternal things. Thus rightly it is said by Solomon: 'In much wisdom there is much indignation, and he who heaps up knowledge heaps up sorrow.' 2 For knowing heavenly things, we revile subjection to worldly things. And as we begin to know more of the evil we have done, so we become angry with ourselves, and thus much wisdom makes much indignation, because the more we progress in knowledge, so we become more indignant concerning our perverse works. Sorrow grows with knowledge, because the more we know eternal things, so much more we grieve to be in this wretched exile. Or as it says in another translation: 'And he who adds to knowledge adds to toil.' 2 For as we begin to know what heavenly joys are, so the more we are able to evade the snares of our faults, weeping in the labour of it. Therefore in much wisdom there is much indignation, because if we know eternal things, we scorn to desire to temporal things. If we know eternal things, we look upon ourselves as those who have done what has separated us from the love of eternity. Conscience reproves a man, it accuses what he has done, he is condemned to penitence for what he is accused, he struggles in his soul, so that he might give birth to peace with God. So when Achab, that wicked king, was reproved by a prophet, and he heard the Divine sentence given against himself, and he was fearful and oppressed with great grief, so the Lord said to His prophet: 'Do you not see the humility of Achab before me? Therefore because he has humbled himself before me, I will not bring evil in his days.' 3 In which words of the Lord let it be thought how the grief of bitterness in His chosen ones is pleasing to Him, those who fear to lose the Lord, if the penitence of one reproved has pleased Him, one who feared the loss of the world. Or how is there freely given grace to him for affliction in faults which pleases, if in one thing he has pleased for a time and in another he has displeased? But it must be known that no one can act from his whole heart for the love of almighty God unless the Holy Spirit lifts up the soul. For when has man by his own virtue been able to despise worldly things, to love heavenly things, to seek peace with God, to struggle with himself, to chastise himself in his mind, and punish himself with groans? It never happens, unless he is strengthened with Divine grace.  Saint Gregory the Great, On the Prophet Ezekiel, Book 1, from Homily 10 1 Ezek 3.14 2 Eccle 1.18 3 3 Kings 21.29