A Fruit Of Forgiveness

'Certare quidem fortiter volui, et, sacramenti mei memor, devotionis ac fidei arma suscepi; sed me in congressione pugnantem cruciamenta varia et supplicia longa vicerunt. Stetit meus stabilis et fides fortis, et cum torquentibus poenis immobilis diu anima luctata est: sed, cum, durissimi judicis recrudescente saevitia, jam fatigatum, nunc flagella scinderent, nunc contunderent fustes, nunc equuleus extenderet, nunc ungula effuderet, nunc flamma torreret, caro me in colluctatione deseruit, infirmitas viscerum cessit, nec animus sed corpus in dolore defecit.' Potest cito proficere ad veniam causa talis. Potest ejusmodi excusatio esse miserabilis. Sic hic Casto et Aemilio aliquando Dominus ignovit; sic, in prima congressione devictos, victores in secundo praelio reddidit, ut fortiores ignibus fierent qui ignibus ante cessissent, et unde superati essent, inde superarent. Sanctus Cyprianus, Liber De Lapsis Migne PL 4.476

'Indeed I wished to contend strongly, and, mindful of my vow, I took up the arms of devotion and faith; but having struggled in the encounter, I was conquered by the varied tortures and long suffering. My mind stood firm, and faith was strong, and my soul was unmoved through torturing pains, but when the most cruel judge renewed barbarity, now exhausted, now scourged with whips, now bruised with clubs, now drawn on the rack, now rent by the claws, now scorched by fire, my flesh abandoned me in the struggle and the infirmity of it yielded. Not my soul but my body in suffering fell.' Such a plea may readily obtain pardon for such things; such an excuse may gain compassion. So it was that the Lord once forgave Castus and Aemilius, so it was that these men who were defeated in the first encounter became victors in the second battle, so it was that these men who had formerly surrendered to the fires became stronger than the fires, and so it was that they overcame that which had overcome. St Cyprian of Carthage, from On the Lapse, Chap 13