Raising a Daughter

Sextus femineus suo jungatur sexui: nesciat, imo timeat cum pueris ludere. Nullum impudicum verbum noverit; et si forte in tumultu familiae discurrentis aliquid audiat, non intelligat. Matris nutum pro verbis ac monitis et pro imperio habeat. Amet ut parentem, subjiciatur ut dominae, timeat ut magistram. Cum autem virgunculam rudem et edentulam, septimus aetatis annus exceperit, et ceperit erubescere, scire quid taceat, dubitare quid dicat: discat memoriter Psalterium, et usque ad annos pubertatis, libros Salomonis: Evangelia, Apostolos, et Prophetas sui cordis thesaurum faciat. Nec liberius procedat ad publicum, nec semper ecclesiarum quaerat celebritatem. In cubiculo suo totas delicias habeat. Nunmquam juvenculos, nunquam cincinnatos videat, vocis dulcedines per aurem animam vulnerantes, puellerumque lacivia repellantur. Quae quanto licentius adeunt, tanto difficilius evitantur: et quod didicerunt, secreto doceat, inclusamque Danaem vulgi sermonibus violant. Sit ei magistra comes, paedagoga custos: non multo vina dedita: non, juxta Apostolum, otiosa atque verbosa; sed sobria, gravis, lanifica, et ea tantum loquens, quae animum puellarem ad virtutem instituant, Ut enim aqua in areola digitum sequitur praecedentem, ita aetas mollis, et tenera in utramque partem flexibilis est, et quocumque duxeris, trahitur. Solent lascivi et comptuli juvenes blandimentis, affabilitate, munusculis, aditum sibi per nutrices aut alumnas quaerere; et cum clementer intraverit, de scintillis incendia concitare, paulatimque peroficere ad impudentiam: et nequaquam posse prohiberi, illo in se versiculo comprobato: 'Aegre reprehendas, quod sinis consuescere.' Pudet dicere: et tamen dicendum est: Nobiles feminae, quae nobiliores habuere neglectui procos, vilissimae conditionis hominibus, et servulis copulantur; ac sub nomine religionis, et umbra continentiae, interdum deserunt viros, Helenae sequuntur Alexandros, nec Menelaos pertimescunt. Videntur haec, plaguntur, et non vindicantur: quia multitudo peccantium peccandi licentiam subministrat. Proh nefas, orbis terrarum ruit, in nobis peccata non ruunt. Sanctus Hieronymus, ex Epistola CXXVIII, Ad Gaudentium

A girl should associate with her own sex, she should not know boys, indeed she should fear to play with them. She should never hear an unclean word, and if amid the bustle of the house she should hear one, she should not understand it. Her mother's nod should suffice for words and warnings and commands. She should love her as a parent, obey her as a mistress, and reverence her as a teacher. She is now a toothless raw little girl, but with seven years passing, she should take to blushing knowing what she should not say and doubtful as to what she should say. Let her learn the Psalter by heart and in the years of adolescence the books of Solomon. The Gospels, the Apostles and the Prophets should be made the treasure of her heart. She should not go out in public too freely, nor always seek out crowded churches. In her own room should be all her pleasure. She must never look at young men, never at fashionable types, and the sweet voices which wound the soul through the ears and loose behaviour of young women must be driven away. The more freedom of access such women possess, so much harder is it to avoid them and what they have learned they will teach in secret, and our secluded Dana will be violated by vulgar talk. Let her have for guardians a companion a mistress and a governess, one not much given to wine, or in the Apostle's words idle and a gossip, but sober, grave, a spinner of wool, one who will establish a girl's soul in virtue. For as water follows a finger drawn through sand, so one of soft and tender years can be bent in two ways, and wherever you lead she is drawn. It is customary for impudent and well groomed young men to seek access for themselves by nurses or dependants with blandishments, friendliness, little gifts, and when they have thus gently effected their approach they blow up fire from the sparks and little by little advance to shamelessness, and it is impossible to stop it then, the verse being proved true: 'It is ill rebuking what you have allowed to become a habit.' I am ashamed to say it and yet it must be said: noble ladies who have rejected more noble suitors join themselves to men of the lowest condition and even with slaves, and sometimes in the name of religion and under the cloak of continence they abandon their husbands, Helen follows Paris without any fear of Menelaus. These things are seen, lamented, and not punished, for the multitude of sinners grants tolerance to it. For shame, the world goes to ruin, but in us sin does not. Saint Jerome, from Letter 128, To Gaudentius