A Monk's Repentance

Ὁ μακάριος ἀββᾶς Παῦλος ὁ ἁπλοῦς ὁ τοῦ ἁγίου Ἀντωνίου μαθητὴς, διηγήσατο τοῖς Πατράσι πρᾶγμα τοιοῦτον· ὅτι ποτὲ παραγενόμενος ἐν μοναστηρίῳ ἐπισκέψεως ἕνεκεν καὶ ὠφελείας χάριν ἀδελφῶν, μετὰ τὴν πρὸς ἀλλήλους αὐτῶν συνήθη διάλεκτον, εἴσεισιν ἐν τῇ ἁγίᾳ τοῦ Θεοῦ ἐκκλησίᾳ τὴν συνήθη σύναξιν ἐπιτελέσαι. Ὁ δὲ μακάριος Παῦλος, φησὶ, προσέσχεν ἑκάστῳ τῶν εἰσιόντων εἰς τὴν ἐκκλησίαν, ὁποίᾳ ἄρα ψυχῇ εἰσίασιν εἰς τὴν σύναξιν· εἶχε γὰρ καὶ ταύτην τὴν χάριν παρὰ Κυρίου δοθεῖσαν αὐτῷ, ὥστε ὁρᾷν ἕκαστον ὁποῖός ἐστι τῇ ψυχῇ, ὥσπερ ἡμεῖς βλέπομεν ἀλλήλων τὰ πρόσωπα. Πάντων δὲ εἰσιόντων λαμπρᾷ τῇ ὄψει καὶ φαιδρῷ τῷ προσώπῳ, τόν τε ἑκάστου ἄγγελον χαίροντα ἐπ΄ αὐτῷ· ἕνα, φησὶν, ὁρᾷ μέλαντα καὶ ζοφώδη ὅλον τὸ σῶμα, δαίμονας δὲ παρ΄ ἑκατέρᾳ τοῦτον συνέχοντας καὶ ἕλκοντας αὐτὸν πρὸς ἑαυτοὺς, φορβειὰν ἐπὶ τὴν ῥῖνα αὐτοῦ βάλλοντας· τόν τε ἅγιον ἄγγελον αὐτοῦ ἀπὸ μακρόθεν ἀκολουθοῦντα σκυθρωπὸν καὶ κατηφῆ. Ὁ δὲ Παῦλος δακρύσας, καὶ τῇ χειρὶ τὸ στῆθος πλήξας, ἐκαθέζετο πρὸ τῆς ἐκκλησίας, ἀποκλαιόμενος σφόδρα τὸν οὕτως ὀφθέντα αὐτῷ. Οἱ δὲ θεασάμενοι τὸ παράδοξον τοῦ ἀνδρὸς, τήν τε ὀξεῖαν αὐτοῦ μεταβολὴν, πρὸς δάκρυα καὶ πένθος κινήσαντα, ἠρώτων αὐτὸν παρακαλοῦντες τὸ διατί κλαίει εἰπεῖν, νομίζοντες μήτι καταγνοὺς ἁπάντων τοῦτο ποιεῖ· παρεκάλουν τε αὐτὸν καὶ εἰς τὴν σύναξιν σὺν αὐτοῖς εἰσιέναι. Ὁ δὲ Παῦλος ἀποσεισάμενος αὐτοὺς ἐκαθέζετο ἔξω, ἀποδυρόμενος πάνυ τὸν οὕτως ὀφθέντα αὐτῷ. Μετ΄ οὐ πολὺ δὲ τῆς συνάξεως ἀπολυθείσης, καὶ πάντων ἐξιόντων, πάλιν κατεμάνθανεν ὁ Παῦλος ἕκαστον, βουλόμενος γνῶναι οἷοι ἐξέρχονται· καὶ ὁρᾷ τὸν ἄνδρα ἐκεῖνον, τὸν μέλαν καὶ ζοφῶδες ἔχοντα τὸ πρὶν ὅλον τὸ σῶμα, ἐξερχόμενον ἀπὸ τῆς ἐκκλησίας λαμπρὸν τῷ προσώπῳ, λευκὸν τῷ σώματι, καὶ τοὺς δαίμονας μακράν που ἀκολουθοῦντας, τόν τε ἅγιον ἄγγελον ἐγγὺς αὐτοῦ παρεπόμενον καὶ χαίροντα ἐπ΄ αὐτῷ σφόδρα. Ὁ δὲ Παῦλος ἀναπηδήσας μετὰ χαρᾶς, ἐβόα εὐλογῶν τὸν Θεὸν, καὶ λέγων· Ὢ τῆς ἀφάτου τοῦ Θεοῦ φιλανθρωπίας καὶ ἀγαθότητος. Δραμὼν δὲ καὶ ἀναβὰς ἐπὶ βαθμοῦ ὑψηλοῦ, μεγάλῃ τῇ φωνῇ ἔλεγε· Δεῦτε καὶ ἴδετε τὰ ἔργα τοῦ Θεοῦ, ὡς φοβερὰ καὶ πάσης ἐκπλήξεως ἄξια. Δεῦτε καὶ ἴδετε τὸν θέλοντα πάντας ἀνθρώπους σωθῆναι, καὶ εἰς ἐπίγνωσιν ἀληθείας ἐλθεῖν. Δεῦτε προσκυνήσωμεν καὶ προσπέσω μεν αὐτῷ, καὶ εἴπωμεν· Σὺ μόνος δύνασαι ἀφαιρεῖν ἁμαρτίας. Συνέτρεχον δὲ πάντες μετὰ σπουδῆς, τῶν λεγομένων ἀκοῦσαι βουλόμενοι. Καὶ συνελθόντων πάντων, διηγεῖτο ὁ Παῦλος τὰ ὁραθέντα αὐτῷ πρὸ τῆς εἰσόδου τῆς ἐκκλησίας, καὶ μετὰ ταῦτα πάλιν, καὶ ἠξίου τὸν ἄνδρα ἐκεῖνον λέγειν τὴν αἰτίαν δι΄ ἣν αὐτῷ τὴν τοσαύτην μεταβολὴν αἰφνιδίως ὁ Θεὸς ἐχαρίσατο. Ὁ δὲ ἄνθρωπος ἐλεγχθεὶς ὑπὸ τοῦ Παύλου, ἐνώπιον πάντων ἀνυποστόλως διηγεῖτο τὰ καθ΄ ἑαυτὸν, λέγων· Ἐγὼ ἄνθρωπός εἰμι ἁμαρτωλὸς, φησὶ, καὶ ἐκ πολλοῦ τοῦ χρόνου πορνείαις συνέζων μέχρι τοῦ νῦν· εἰσελθὼν δὲ νῦν ἐν τῇ ἁγίᾳ τοῦ Θεοῦ ἐκκλησίᾳ, ἤκουσα τοῦ ἁγίου προφήτου Ἡσαΐου ἀναγινωσκομένου, μᾶλλον δὲ τοῦ Θεοῦ λαλοῦντος δι΄ αὐτοῦ· Λούσασθε, καθαροὶ γένεσθε, ἀφέλετε τὰς πονηρίας ὑμῶν ἀπὸ τῶν καρδιῶν ὑμῶν· ἀπέναντι τῶν ὀφθαλμῶν μου μάθετε καλὸν ποιεῖν. Καὶ ἐὰν ὦσιν αἱ ἁμαρτίαι ὑμῶν ὡς φοινικοῦν, ὡς χιόνα λευκανῶ. Καὶ ἐὰν θέλητε καὶ εἰσακούσητέ μου, τὰ ἀγαθὰ τῆς γῆς φάγεσθε. Ἐγὼ δὲ, φησὶν, ὁ πόρνος, ἐπὶ τῷ λόγῳ τοῦ προφήτου κατανυγεὶς τὴν ψυχὴν, καὶ στενάξας ἐν τῇ διανοίᾳ μου, εἶπον πρὸς τὸν Θεὸν, ὅτι Σὺ ὁ Θεὸς, ὁ ἐλθὼν εἰς τὸν κόσμον ἁμαρτωλοὺς σῶσαι, ἃ νῦν διὰ τοῦ προφήτου σου ἐπηγγείλω, ταῦτα καὶ εἰς ἐμὲ πλήρωσον τὸν ἁμαρτωλὸν καὶ ἀνάξιον. Ἰδοὺ γὰρ ἀπὸ τοῦ νῦν δίδωμί σοι λόγον, συντάσσομαι δὲ καὶ ἐκ καρδίας ἐξομολογοῦμαί σοι, ὅτι οὐ μὴ πράξω ἔτι τι τῶν κακῶν· ἀλλὰ ἀποτάσσομαι πᾶσαν παρανομίαν, καὶ δουλεύσω σοι ἀπὸ τοῦ νῦν ἐν καθαρᾷ συνειδήσει. Σήμερον, ὦ Δέσποτα, καὶ ἐκ τῆς ὥρας ταύτης, δέξαι με μετανοοῦντα, καὶ προσπίπτοντά σοι, καὶ ἀπεχόμενον τοῦ λοιποῦ πάσης ἁμαρτίας. Ἐπὶ ταύταις, φησὶ, ταῖς συνθήκαις ἐξῆλθον ἀπὸ τῆς ἐκκλησίας, κρίνας ἐν τῇ ἐμαυτοῦ ψυχῇ, μηκέτι μηδὲν φαῦλον πρᾶξαι ἀπέναντι τοῦ Θεοῦ. Ἀκούσαντες δὲ πάντες ἀνεβόων μιᾷ φωνῇ πρὸς τὸν Θεόν· Ὡς ἐμεγαλύνθη τὰ ἔργα σου, Κύριε, πάντα ἐν σοφίᾳ ἐποίησας. Γινώσκοντες τοίνυν, ὦ Χριστιανοὶ, ἐκ τῶν θείων Γραφῶν, καὶ ἐκ τῶν ἁγίων ἀποκαλύψεων, ὅσην ἔχει ὁ Θεὸς ἀγαθότητα περὶ τοὺς εἰς αὐτὸν γνησίως καταφεύγοντας, καὶ διὰ μετανοίας τὰ πρότερον αὐτοῖς ἐπταισμένα διορθουμένους, καὶ ὅτι ἀποδίδωσι πάλιν τὰ ἐπηγγελμένα ἀγαθὰ, οὐκ εἰσπραττόμενος δίκας ὑπὲρ τῶν προτέρων ἁμαρτιῶν, μὴ ἀπελπίσω μεν τῆς ἑαυτῶν σωτηρίας. Ὥσπερ γὰρ διὰ Ἡσαΐου τοῦ προφήτου ἐπηγγείλατο, τοὺς ἐν ἁμαρτίαις βεβορ βορωμένους πλύνειν, καὶ ὡς ἔριον καὶ ὡς χιόνα λευκαίνειν καὶ τῶν ἀγαθῶν τῆς ἐπουρανίου Ἱερουσαλὴμ ἀξιοῦν· οὕτως αὖθις διὰ τοῦ ἁγίου προφήτου Ἰεζεκιὴλ, μεθ΄ ὅρκου ἡμᾶς πληροφορεῖ μὴ ἀπολλύειν· Ζῶ γὰρ, φησὶ, λέγει Κύριος, ὅτι οὐ βούλομαι τὸν θάνατον τοῦ ἁμαρτωλοῦ, ὡς τὸ ἐπιστρέψαι καὶ ζῇν αὐτόν. Ἀποφθέγματα Των Ἁγίων Γερόντων, Παλλαδιος Source: Migne PG 65.381c-385b

The blessed father Paul the Simple, the disciple of Father Anthony, told the Fathers about a certain affair. One day he came to a monastery to observe it and to make himself useful to the brethren. After the customary conference, the brothers entered the holy church of God to perform the usual prayers. The blessed Paul looked closely at each of those who went into the church, considering the state of the soul of those who entered into prayers, for he had this grace given to him by the Lord, that he could see the state of each man's soul, just as we see the faces of others. When all had entered with sparkling eyes and shining faces, and with each one's angel rejoicing over him, he said, 'I see one who is black and dark in his whole body, and the demons come with him, dominating him, drawing him to them, and leading him by the nose, and his holy angel following at a distance is sad and his head is cast down.' And Paul wept and beat his breast with his hand, and sitting down in front of the church, he cried bitterly over the man he had seen. The brethren, seeing this strange conduct and the sudden change that had moved him to tears and grieving, questioned him, calling on him to tell them why he was weeping, thinking that he might be doing it as an accusation against all of them, and then they asked him to go to the prayers with them. But Paul refused them and remained sitting outside, lamenting over him whom he had seen. A little after the end of prayers, with everyone was coming out, Paul again studied each one of them, wishing to know in what state they were coming away, and he saw the man, who had been black and dark in his whole body before, coming out of the church with a shining face and a white body, and now the demons followed at a distance and his holy angel was close to him, rejoicing greatly over him. Paul leapt up for joy, crying out blessings to God, saying 'O the unspeakable love and goodness of God!' Then running up to an elevated place, he said with a great voice, 'Come, see the works of the Lord, how awesome they are and worthy of all wonder! Come and see Him who wishes that all men be saved and come to the knowledge of the truth! Come, let us prostrate ourselves and throw ourselves down before Him and say, 'You alone can take sins away!' 1 Everyone ran together in haste, wanting to hear what was being said. When they were all assembled, Paul told them what he had seen at the entrance to the church and what had happened afterwards, and then he asked that man to tell them why God had suddenly bestowed such a change on him. The man whom Paul addressed, standing there before everyone, told them what had happened to him, saying, 'I am a sinful man and for a long time I have lived in fornication, right up until today. But when I went into the holy church of God, I heard the holy prophet Isaiah being read, or rather, God speaking through him: 'Wash yourselves, be clean, take away the wickedness from your hearts, learn to do good before my eyes. Even if your sins are as scarlet, I will make them as white as snow. And if you will, and if you listen to me, you shall eat the good things of the earth.' 2 'And I, the fornicator,' the man said, 'because of this word of the prophet, was stunned in my soul and I groaned in my mind, and said to God: 'God, you who came into the world to save sinners, what you now proclaim through your prophet, fulfill in me who am a sinner and an unworthy man. For from now on, I give my word to you, and am firmly resolved in my heart to confess to you, that I will not do evil any longer, but I renounce all unrighteousness, and henceforth I will serve you with a pure conscience. Today, O Master, and from this hour, receive one who repents and throws himself down before you, he who shall abstain from every sin.' He continued, 'Having vowed these things, I came out of the church, determined in my soul that I would no longer commit any evil before God.' Hearing this, they all with one voice cried out to God, 'How manifold are your works, Lord, in wisdom you made them all.' 3 As Christians, then, who have learnt from the holy Scriptures and from holy revelations, let us know the great goodness of God for those who sincerely take refuge in Him and who correct their past faults by repentance, and let us not despair of salvation. For as it was proclaimed by the prophet Isaiah, God cleanses those who are foul with sin, and whitens them as wool and as snow, and makes them worthy of the good things of the heavenly Jerusalem, just as in the prophet Ezekiel He swore an oath to strengthen us and not to ruin us. 'As I live, says the Lord, I have no pleasure in the death of a sinner, so turn and live. ' 4 Sayings of the Desert Fathers, Palladius of Galatia 1 Ps 45,9, Ps 65.5, 1 Tim 2.4, Ps 94.6 2 Isaiah 1.16-19 3 Ps 104.24 4 Ezek 18.32