Remembering Sins

Caeterum quod paulo ante dixisti, te etiam de industria praeteritorum peccatorum memoriam retractare, hoc fieri penitus non oportet, quinimmo etiamsi violenter irrepserit, protinus extrudatur. Multum namque retrahit mentem a contemplatione puritatis, eius praecipue qui in solitudine commoratur, implicans eam sordibus mundi huius, et praefocans fetore vitiorum. Dum enim recolis ea quae secundum principem saeculi sive per ignorantiam sive per lasciviam commisisti, ut concedam tibi quod in hac cogitatione posito oblectatio nulla subrepat, certe antiquae putredinis vel sola contagio necesse est ut tetro mentem fetore corrumpat, et spiritalem virtutum fragrantiam, id est, suavitatem boni odoris excludat. Cum ergo praeteritorum memoria vitiorum pulsaverit sensum, ita ab ea resiliendum est, sicut refugit vir honestus et gravis, si impudicae ac procacis feminae in publico aut colloquiis aut amplexibus appetatur. Qui utique nisi se a contactu eius festinus abstraxerit, et vel brevissimam moram inhonestae confabulationis admiserit, etiamsi consensum impudendae respuat voluptatis, infamiae tamen ac reprehensionis notam cunctorum praetereuntium iudicio non evadet. Ita igitur etiam nos oportet cum fuerimus in huiusmodi cogitationes pestifera recordatione deducti, raptim ab earum contemplatione discedere, et implere illud quod a Salomone praecipitur: Sed exili inquit, noli demorari in loco eius, neque intendas oculo tuo in eam; ne videntes nos angeli immundis ac turpibus cogitationibus involutos, non possint de nobis praetereuntes dicere: Benedictio Domini super vos, benediximus vobis in nomine Domini. Impossibile namque est mentem bonis cogitationibus immorari, cum principale cordis ad turpes atque terrenos intuitus fuerit devolutum. Vera est enim illa Salomonis sententia: Oculi tui cum viderint alienam, os tuum tunc loquetur prava, et iacebis tamquam in corde maris, et sicut gubernator in magna tempestate; dices autem: Ferierunt me, sed non dolui; et deluserunt me, ego autem nescivi. Derelictis autem non solum turpibus, sed etiam terrenis cogitationibus universis, erigenda est semper ad coelestia nostrae mentis intentio, secundum Salvatoris nostri sententiam. Ubi enim ego sum, inquit, illic et minister meus erit. Solet enim frequenter accidere ut dum vel suos vel aliorum lapsus imperitorum quispiam miserantis retractat affectu, ipse etiam subtilissimi teli voluptario perstringatur assensu; et initium sub specie pietatis exortum, obsceno ac noxio fine concludit. Sunt enim viae quae videntur hominibus rectae, novissima autem earum venient in profundum inferni. Quapropter studendum est nobis ut virtutum potius appetitu et desiderio regni coelorum, quam noxiis vitiorum recordationibus, nosmetipsos ad compunctionem laudabilem provocemus, quia necesse est tamdiu quempiam pestilentissimis cloacae fetoribus praefocari, quamdiu supra eam stare vel coenum eius voluerit commovere Sanctus Ioannes Cassianus, Collatio XX, Caput IX, De Poenitentiae Fine Et Satisfactione Source: Migne PL 49.1165b-1167d

But with regard to that which you said a little earlier, that it is a care of yours to bring to mind memories of past sins, this should certainly not be done if it violently forces its way into you, which rather must be expelled instantly. For it greatly draws away the soul from the contemplation of purity, and especially in one who dwells in solitude, as it entangles him in the stains of this world and suffocates him with stench of vices. For while you recall those things which you did through ignorance or wantonness in accordance with the prince of this world, though I allow you that while in these thoughts no delight creeps in, yet surely the mere touch of the old filthiness is sure to corrupt your soul with its foul stench and to shut out the spiritual fragrance of the virtues, that is, the sweetness of a good odour. When, then, the recollection of past sins comes to your mind, you must recoil from it, just as an honest and upright man flees if he is sought out in public by a shameless and wanton woman either for words or embraces, for unless he quickly withdraws himself from her contact, if he allows her to linger for the briefest time with vile talk, even if he spurns to consent to her shameful pleasures, yet he shall not avoid the mark of disgraceful reproof in the judgement of all who pass by. Therefore, if we by remembrance have been led to similar thoughts, we should instantly cease contemplation of them, and to fulfill what is commanded by Solomon: 'But go forth, be unwilling to linger in her place, nor turn your eyes upon her,' 1 lest the angels see us embroiled in filthy and vile thoughts, and they not be able to say to us as they pass by: 'The blessing of the Lord be upon you, we have blessed you in the name of the Lord.' 2 For it is impossible for the mind to dwell in good thoughts when the main part of the heart is rolling among foul and and earthly considerations. True is the saying of Solomon: 'When your eye shall look on a strange woman, then your mouth will speak wickedly, and you shall lie as in the heart of the sea, and you shall be like a pilot in a great storm, yet you will say: They have beaten me, but I do not grieve; and they mocked me and I did not know it.' 3 For we should not only forsake foul thoughts but all earthly ones and always elevate the desire of our soul to heavenly things, in accordance with the saying of the Saviour: 'Where I am, there shall be my servant.' 4 Indeed it often happens that while someone is bringing to mind his own falls, or those of other inept folk out of some sort of pity, he is grazed by a most subtle blade to assent to the pleasure, and what began beneath the appearance of piety, terminates in an obscene and filthy end. 'For there are ways which appear right to men, but the ends of them shall come to the depths of hell.' 5 For which reason we must rather strive with a desire for virtue and longing for the kingdom of heaven, rather than with a noxious recollection of sin, so that we call ourselves to laudable compunction. Because a man is certain to be suffocated by the pestilential stench of the sewer if he chooses to stand over it or to stir up its filth Saint John Cassian, The Conferences, Conference 20, Chapter 9, On The End of Penitence and Satisfaction 1 Prov 9.18 2 Ps 128.8 3 Prov 23.33-35 4 Jn 12.26 5 Prov 16.25