Knowing What To Do

Spero autem hoc debueram, sed memet ipsum non credo, quandiu fuero in hoc corpore mortis, quia fortis est qui cotidie nititur subvertere me a fide et praeposita castitate religionis non fictae usque in finem vite meae Christo Domino meo. Sed caro inimica semper trahit ad mortem. Id est ad inlecebras in inlicitate perficiendas. Et scio ex parte quare vitam perfectam ego non egi sicut et ceteri credentes, sed confiteor Domino meo. Et non erubesco in conspectu ipsius quia non mentior ex quo cognovi eum a iuventute mea crevit in me amor Dei et timor ipsius et usque nunc favente Domino, fidem servavi. Rideat autem et insultet qui voluerit, ego non silebo neque abscondo signa et mirabilia quae mihi a Domino ministrata sunt ante multos annos quam fierent, quasi qui 'novit omnia etiam ante tempora saecularia. Unde autem debueram sine cessatione Deo gratias agere, qui saepe indulsit insipientiae meae neglegentiae meae et de loco non in unoquoque ut non mihi vehementer irasceretur, qui adiutor datus sum et non cito adquievi secundum quod mihi ostensum fuerat et sicut Spiritus suggerebat et misertus est mihi Dominus in milia milium, quia vidit in me quod paratus eram, sed quod mihi pro his nesciebam de statu meo quid facerem, quia multi hanc legationem prohibebant, etiam inter seipsos post tergum meum narrabant et dicebant: Iste quare se mittit in periculo inter hostes qui Deum non noverunt? Non ut causa malicie, sed non sapiebat illis, sicut et ego ipse testor, intellege propter rusticitatem meam, et non cito agnovi gratiam quae tunc erat in me; nunc mihi sapit quod ante debueram. Nunc ergo simpliciter insinuavi fratribus et conservis meis, qui mihi crediderunt propter quod praedixi et praedico ad roborandum et confirmandam fidem vestram. Utinam ut et vos imitemini maiora et potiora faciatis. Hoc erit gloria mea, quia filius sapiens gloria patris est. Sanctus Patricius Hibernorum Apostolus, Confessio, Cap XIX-XXI Source: Migne PL 53.810c-811b

I hope to do what I should, but I know I cannot trust myself while I am in this body of death, 1 because he is strong who every day tries every day to cast me from my faith and the purity of true religion chosen to the end of my life for Christ my Lord. The flesh is an enemy always dragging one towards death. That is, to doing those enticing things which are forbidden. I know in some part that I have not led a perfect life like other believers, but I confess it to my Lord. And I do not blush in His sight, because I do not lie. From the time in my youth when I came to know Him, the love of God grew in me and the reverence of Him, and until now, with the Lord's favour, I have kept faith. They may laugh and abuse who wish to do so, but I will not be silent, nor will I hide the signs and wonders which the Lord has given to me, even many years before they came to be, He who knows all things even before the beginning of time. Whence I want to give thanks to God without ceasing, He who often overlooked my ignorance and my negligence, and did not become very angry with me in any place, He who was given to me as a helper, and I was not quick to allow what he showed me, and so the Spirit prompted me, and The Lord was merciful to me a thousand thousand times, because He saw in me that I was ready, but that I did not know what I should do about the state of my life, because there were many who forbade this mission, and they even told stories among themselves behind my back, and said: 'Why does he send himself into danger among hostile people who do not know God?' Malice was not the cause, but it made no sense to them, as I myself can bear witness, who understand my rusticity, and indeed, I was not quick to know the grace that was in me then, but I know now  what I should have done. Now, therefore, I have counselled my brothers and fellow-servants who believed me, because I warned them, and I do warn them, to strengthen and confirm your faith. Then indeed you will imitate greater things, and do more powerful things. 2 This shall be my glory, since a wise son is the glory of his father. 3 Saint Patrick Apostle of the Irish, The Confession, Chap 19-21 1 Rom 7.24 2 Jn 14.12 3 Prov 10.1